Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A foreign experience

After suffering through the harsh dryness of the west (post about that chaos to come), my feet somewhat resembled the grand canyon. I tried home remedies. After all, I pride myself in giving my own pedicures...why pay someone else when you can do it yourself? A spa treatment such as that is a luxury I indulge in only once in a while. After about two weeks of being back on the east coast, I saw little improvement in the coarseness of my feet. And, to add insult to injury, my right toe started getting a little puffy and sore on the edge, indicating an impending in-grown toenail (my first). I gave in. Off to the spa with Lincoln.
Immediately a cute little Asian lady (I am not being demeaning...they are so cute....and I cannot fail to mention that they have AMAZING little figures) came to my aid. I showed her my inflamed toe and she had a look of excitement on her face. I was excited too. It was hurting to exercise. Then, she took out a basket of metal instruments that looked like they belonged in the operating room of the hospital instead of a sap. I immediately braced myself. This cute little lady really started operating on my toe. At first I was able to muffle my yelps by biting my lip or just making hideously ugly facial expressions. Then she took out this tool that look like a knife on the end. The lady (who is not so cute any more) shoved that thing so far down into my toenail that I swear she was digging for a kidney. This is the moment when my screams were no longer muffled. I yelled. I yelled VERY loud. All the cute little Asian looked at me in disappointment while the other customers looked at me with sympathy. I guess my little expression of pain was NOT appropriate. I suppose my little lady friend wanted me to harness my inner kung fu warrior or something. She continued to dig and stab and take chunks off of my toe. I continued to yell and writhe (literally) in pain. I endured several smearing looks from all the employees there. My friend stood up and spoke in her native tongue to her coworker. I didn't have to speak the language to know she was not fond of me, my toe, or my yelling. Then that coworker (apparently the resident in-grown toenail remover) sat down and did her magic. They both had the same method- they would poke, stab, prod, cut, etc. and then ask me innocently, "Does it feel better?". After this second lady sat down and after she had asked me that about three times I finally lied and said, "yes". I guess that was their indicator that they had retrieved the offensive material out of my toe. They stopped. What normally takes about 20 minutes had taken an hour due to the out-patient surgery I endured.

PEDI COST: 16 + tip (I know, it's a bargain)
SURGERY COST: Only humiliation and pain. That's all.

11 comments:

Jake and Emily Hutchings Family said...

you should have heard mom reading your blog. she'd laugh hysterically and then say, that's awful. repeated many times. i couldn't figure out if she was reading something happy or sad. now i know, very funny!

Rachel said...

That is so sketchy....I hope you don't get a worse infection from all of their digging. I can't believe you let them dig at you...I've had those in-grown toe nails and they KILL!!

Russ and Teryn said...

OUCH!! Sorry that I was laughing at this story.. it was a good read though! I hope your toe feels better. I used to get ingrown's all the time bc my toe nails have a high c-curve. Anyway, I've finally figured out how to keep them at bay.. maybe I can help when I come to Atlanta ;)

Connie said...

Claire - I'm surprised they dug at your toe that much. Here in the west, they will try to clip the in-grown toenail, but if it was as bad as you said, they would have sent you to the doctor. I
hope you don't get an infection or fungus from the whole ordeal. I've had those in-grown little buggers before and they do HURT!
luv ya! Aunt Connie

Meredith said...

ouch! You know me..the germaphobe. I would have never had them do that!! I would have just made J-D fix it! :)

Ang said...

Oh Claire...poor thing. I swear there are some crazy things that seem to only happen to you. I bet poor Lincoln was very nervous with her digging and you yelping! And I agree, they are always very tiny with the cutest figures.

Allred Family said...

I had one of those and I used my lidocaine for my port to dig it out. Didn't feel a thing. Next time, have Bob numb you up a bit and dig it out yourself....they do hurt really bad. So sorry for your pain.

Rebecca said...

you're such a good, entertaining writer! i hate in-growns and i get them every so often unlike you. YOu are brave! Hilarious story.

Amanda said...

Oh that is a good story! Do you ever have a dull day? what has Lincoln doing during your surgical procedure? You should have had Jason dig that thing out ....doesn't he like stuff like that? ha

The Thomas Family said...

How's your toe now? Ouch!!

I always enjoy reading your blog. You and Emily are the funniest writers.

kateworthi said...

2 words. HIL ARIOUS! That is all.
Hope you're good as new.